Three Words
by Bradamante
Summary: Duncan MacLeod takes an unconscious Methos back to the hotel after the fight in Bordeaux and thinks about how he betrayed their friendship.


VERY SPECIAL THANKS to Sharon Cross for beta assist me and give the courage to post this.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.  
  
*** *** are thoughts  
  
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You look so young when you're asleep.  
  
So peaceful.  
  
So innocent.  
  
But you are none of those, are you?  
  
What am I going to do now? Without you? I feel I'm cursed and my curse has the duration of your slumber. I have thrown away your friendship without a backward glance and I'm the one who will beg understanding now. I don't deserve it. I know. But...what am I going to do if you decide to leave?  
  
And I will not stop you. I don't deserve to do so. If you leave you will take my life with you because I have no doubt now that without you I will die. I didn't realize that I lived for your glances and I fed on your smile and I breathed only the air your words were made of. But I do realize that now. The memory of that axe at your neck makes me know for certain, the time I have left to live is the time you give me now, while you are asleep. Because when you wake up maybe you will choose not to forgive my betrayal and in that moment I may as well be dead.  
  
Looking at you hurts me so. You are breathtakingly beautiful like this. How could I have not realized sooner how important you are to me? I missed so many opportunities to tell you how I felt about you. But I hid behind a shield...when you left with Alexa, the Dark Quickening, me being angry with you because of Kristen...everything was an excuse...and days passed and here I am now...regreting every minute I didn't tell you I loved you. Would you forgive me for that? Would you forgive me for taking care of you now? I had to bathe you, you know. I couldn't help but wash all the dirt that sinful battle left on your body. Like wanting to wash you of whatever trace Kronos would have imprinted on your being. Washing away all the pain and the hurt. I know...it will never be more than a wish. And...I keep seeing all the things you did...all the things that were done to you...I wish I could erase that from my mind...and yours. So much pain. You made me believe the worst about you and I fell for the trap...I should have known better. Didn't you prove your friendship to me so many times in so many ways? I threw away all that for a past that now has no meaning. And I was so shocked when I saw you fighting with Silas...you took my side...but the most important, most frightening fact was that...you were risking your life...you could not fight with Kronos so how could you fight with Silas? I don't know how I finished off Kronos...I was so certain at that moment you were going to lose your head to Silas...but you survived...you took the head of one of your brothers and you were so lost in your grief for that. Every sob cut through my heart and I know you grieved for what they could have been but never came to be. So in the end I was thankful that you passed out, I just couldn't bear to see you like that anymore, I couldn't bear that I was responsible for a large part of that grief. I saw it through our shared quickening. I saw your love and I hope you saw mine as well.  
  
And here I am. Guarding your sleep like I always will. If you would only let me. I have put you to bed and sat at your side and your head is turned facing the window. Your body is half turned too, trying to follow your head's direction. It seems like you somehow know I'm beside you and you want to be as far as possible from my glance. From me. And the sole thought of that hurts me much more than your beauty does. The thought of you afraid of me, afraid of what I would think of you. And you were right to be afraid because I have betrayed you in the worst way. I judged you badly. For things long covered in the sands of time but that still can hurt you so. I was blind but now I can see and the first thing this blind man at your side saw is that he fell the first time he laid eyes on you. Oh, yes my love. I loved you from the very first time but you shone so bright that you blinded me with your whole being. You were perfect to me, a treasure among us...the ageless, the ancient, the mystery...but in the end you were only human and that my love, was what my blind soul couldn't see.  
  
My heart aches so much now. You have my life in your hands for I can't survive without you, I don't want to, not anymore. So, I will run my hand through your spiky hair now...and it feels so soft, silk between my fingers....  
  
The pulse in your long and slender neck feels strong and I wish that every one of those heartbeats were mine, were just for me....  
  
Your mouth...let me rob you of one chaste kiss...like exotic fruit, the moisture of your lips so inviting...teasingly so...  
  
Let me feel the skin on your face....so soft, so impossibly soft.....  
  
And your lashes so long, so dark against your high cheekbones...rightful ends to those eyelids that hide your eyes, that hide those mysterious and deep pools that cover your soul, that protect me just now from drowning in a sea the color of hazel.  
  
I know you love me. I can feel it even now through our quickenings...yes, we are connected now, somehow we are...I can feel your troubling sleep...I can sense your agitation...you're waking up and I can't bear to see you trying to fold into yourself...far from my touch...you seem to want to disappear making you as small as possible...and it tears at my heart that you are suffering so.  
  
Wake up my love...wake up now. Feel me gathering you into my arms, rocking you, my treasure, soothing hands on your back, feel my very soul...aching...just for you  
  
*** And I feel I am walking towards an abyss... ***  
  
I'm waiting for your judgement when you finally wake up. Tears are falling from your closed eyes and I gather them away with my fingers and taste the saltiness of your sorrow...the last drink of one who is soon to be executed  
  
You are finally opening your eyes, oh so slowly...  
  
*** And I have arrived at the edge...waiting to jump ***  
  
Three words can save me now...three words spoken with the magic of your voice...  
  
*** And I take a backward glance before I take the fall...and I realize you are here...***  
  
Your eyes are open...glassy pools bright with tears  
  
*** Telling me something...telling me... ***  
  
"I love you." you said at last.  
  
And the curse is broken with the magic spell of three words.  
  
  
  
End. 


End file.
